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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ugly Duckling

Oh, the dearest ugly duckling,
What is it like?
Can you heal your own pain?
Everytime they're staring at you,
Everytime they think that they're better

Oh, ugly duckling,
What is it you can't face?
Are you really on your own?
Is it that bad to have nobody?
My dearest ugly duckling,
Who's you best friend?
Loneliness? Or sorrow?

Wake up!
Smell the coffee!
For one so hideous you seem so beautiful,

My glassy eyes in this bore world.
The scariest look ever,
everytime I look into the water,
Ruining all the vision in my mind.

Wreckless smile from the coldest heart,
Last longer than my breath,
The only laughter I've evr heard,
doesn't even come from here.

These feet were heading through puddles,
The puddles as dark as my feather,
so I can hide myself.
Running free from reality,
picturing myself as a swan.
Gracefully marching in my serendipity,
Lifting my chin up to the moon

No one needs to see,
whatever it is inside me.
No matter how pure
No matter how bright
They seen so satisfy,
and sick
of what they have seen outside

Drops of destiny,
sway my wings of fantasy,
praying in every piece of my feather
Hoping in every teardrop on my cheek

Beauty is always hiding,
beneath this dark feather,
and sorrow eyes
Cold feet and frozen beak
Everlasing regret on your face.

Wise Decision

As darkness approached, our mood seemed to change; there was an air of stillness, a sense of unease. Even the landscape seemed different now. Why do I have to stand here in this tender less space with him by my side? Maybe I will have my heart checked tomorrow, I just have to find somebody who can sew it back together then I’ll be fine. What could possibly go wrong? I had him stayed close by my side for years and now he decided to be someone else that I don’t know. Plus, he’s completely left me out. What I don’t understand, he made me say ‘yes’, say ‘yes’! I can’t believe I let myself say that risky word. It was like the beginning of a curse and I’m the witch. I had myself cursed!
It was late at night; we were sitting at a candle centered table face to face. None of us was dare enough to whisper through the frozen air, not a chance even for a hiss. The time has stopped right there, when the two of us were making a silence scene like an Original Sin. The candle between us merely melting, inviting more darkness into the room. The glow has faded, gliding back and forth, stood still on its edge, dancing with a soft-blowing night breeze.
I may look sad at the moment, he might see me as a golden statue which tangled his mind with two choices, ‘take it or leave it’. On the inside, it was like a trampoline. If I were the one who’s savagely jumping, I hope he would be the trampoline, or maybe I am the trampoline instead. He made me feel bad about him; I had him think that I wasn’t good enough.
While the clock was ticking, I stared at this beautiful cruel face looking wryly at me. I couldn’t stand the stillness of air around me. I heard the clock’s ticking; it stayed constantly, but faster to me. Each one of us have to compete, who’s leaving who. Maybe I don’t deserve him; no matter how much it is I want him for he’s not mine. I was waiting for the right time before I could say the right word to him. Suddenly, ‘Ding!!!...’ the clock strikes twelve, the ding sounded like the bells of Notre Dame. I knew it was a sign for me to start.
“Say it!” the ding spoke to me. “Say it!!!” it spoke louder. The ding kept telling me, over and over, louder and louder. I felt like my head was going to explode. I squeezed my head with both of my hands, trying to make it stop. After that, out of nowhere, I rose my self from the seat and the chair fell to the valley of dusty floor underneath my feet. I screamed, “Stop it!!!” everything stopped at once. I tried to catch my breath; I had him stare at me like I was some kind of psycho. I took a deep breath, closed both of my eyes, determined to arrange the thoughts on my mind. I rested my right hand on the table and the other on my chest after I finally had my heart beat normally.
I looked at him firmly and I knew what to say. I have to say it before him, I have to. I took another deep breath, lifting my chin up, and had my eyes on him.
“Goodbye, then,” there I said it first. Finally I had all these dreadful thoughts released from my brain. I grabbed my suitcase and walked away. I should’ve said ‘no’ for the first time he asked me to live with him. But here I am, sitting in my desk at mom’s house, satisfying my decision to leave dad and move out to be with my mom. I hope I did the right thing for it.