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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Ugly Duckling

Oh, the dearest ugly duckling,
What is it like?
Can you heal your own pain?
Everytime they're staring at you,
Everytime they think that they're better

Oh, ugly duckling,
What is it you can't face?
Are you really on your own?
Is it that bad to have nobody?
My dearest ugly duckling,
Who's you best friend?
Loneliness? Or sorrow?

Wake up!
Smell the coffee!
For one so hideous you seem so beautiful,

My glassy eyes in this bore world.
The scariest look ever,
everytime I look into the water,
Ruining all the vision in my mind.

Wreckless smile from the coldest heart,
Last longer than my breath,
The only laughter I've evr heard,
doesn't even come from here.

These feet were heading through puddles,
The puddles as dark as my feather,
so I can hide myself.
Running free from reality,
picturing myself as a swan.
Gracefully marching in my serendipity,
Lifting my chin up to the moon

No one needs to see,
whatever it is inside me.
No matter how pure
No matter how bright
They seen so satisfy,
and sick
of what they have seen outside

Drops of destiny,
sway my wings of fantasy,
praying in every piece of my feather
Hoping in every teardrop on my cheek

Beauty is always hiding,
beneath this dark feather,
and sorrow eyes
Cold feet and frozen beak
Everlasing regret on your face.

Wise Decision

As darkness approached, our mood seemed to change; there was an air of stillness, a sense of unease. Even the landscape seemed different now. Why do I have to stand here in this tender less space with him by my side? Maybe I will have my heart checked tomorrow, I just have to find somebody who can sew it back together then I’ll be fine. What could possibly go wrong? I had him stayed close by my side for years and now he decided to be someone else that I don’t know. Plus, he’s completely left me out. What I don’t understand, he made me say ‘yes’, say ‘yes’! I can’t believe I let myself say that risky word. It was like the beginning of a curse and I’m the witch. I had myself cursed!
It was late at night; we were sitting at a candle centered table face to face. None of us was dare enough to whisper through the frozen air, not a chance even for a hiss. The time has stopped right there, when the two of us were making a silence scene like an Original Sin. The candle between us merely melting, inviting more darkness into the room. The glow has faded, gliding back and forth, stood still on its edge, dancing with a soft-blowing night breeze.
I may look sad at the moment, he might see me as a golden statue which tangled his mind with two choices, ‘take it or leave it’. On the inside, it was like a trampoline. If I were the one who’s savagely jumping, I hope he would be the trampoline, or maybe I am the trampoline instead. He made me feel bad about him; I had him think that I wasn’t good enough.
While the clock was ticking, I stared at this beautiful cruel face looking wryly at me. I couldn’t stand the stillness of air around me. I heard the clock’s ticking; it stayed constantly, but faster to me. Each one of us have to compete, who’s leaving who. Maybe I don’t deserve him; no matter how much it is I want him for he’s not mine. I was waiting for the right time before I could say the right word to him. Suddenly, ‘Ding!!!...’ the clock strikes twelve, the ding sounded like the bells of Notre Dame. I knew it was a sign for me to start.
“Say it!” the ding spoke to me. “Say it!!!” it spoke louder. The ding kept telling me, over and over, louder and louder. I felt like my head was going to explode. I squeezed my head with both of my hands, trying to make it stop. After that, out of nowhere, I rose my self from the seat and the chair fell to the valley of dusty floor underneath my feet. I screamed, “Stop it!!!” everything stopped at once. I tried to catch my breath; I had him stare at me like I was some kind of psycho. I took a deep breath, closed both of my eyes, determined to arrange the thoughts on my mind. I rested my right hand on the table and the other on my chest after I finally had my heart beat normally.
I looked at him firmly and I knew what to say. I have to say it before him, I have to. I took another deep breath, lifting my chin up, and had my eyes on him.
“Goodbye, then,” there I said it first. Finally I had all these dreadful thoughts released from my brain. I grabbed my suitcase and walked away. I should’ve said ‘no’ for the first time he asked me to live with him. But here I am, sitting in my desk at mom’s house, satisfying my decision to leave dad and move out to be with my mom. I hope I did the right thing for it.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Find Out If He Loves You

1. Ask him about something he couldn't live without and why?
-it doesn't matter what reason he says, but if he answers he couldn't live ithout YOU, the he's actually just playing around with you..

2. Ask him the worst advice he's ever taken
- he truly loves you if he says anything besides "when my bestfriend told me to break up with you"

3.Ask him the best advice he's ever get
-he lies if he tells you " the best advice is when you tell me that i have to spend more time for you and care about you more that anyone else does"

4. Ask him the worst lie he ever told
-he's a jerk if he says "when i say i don't love you anymore"

5. Last one, ask him the hardest lesson he's had to learn

-just slap him and leave him alone if he says " the hardest is when i was trying to get your attention and then asked you out" that is a LIE, trust me..

remember girls, there's only three types of boy

JK!!! ...LOL

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bedtime Story

Monday,May, 25th 2009
I just read this book called "the voice of the master" it was wonderful. This was actually the first book that actually woke me up from all the things that I've done. It felt like it was pulling me away from the world where I used to live in, really showing me how life's so full of lies, betrayal, love, and so many things that make it so difficult for us to go on. I finished this book in one night, and it was a new thing for me. Kahlil Gibran is now one of my favorite writers.through this book, he really taught me how to be a good reader, well, I haven't been a very good reader lately. he really inspired me. How in the world he could write something so ecsotic and original, in some what mysterious too. I wonder how did he do his research about this book, or perhaps he didn't do any of it. Maybe he had his own thought about the arrangement of the world. if I had a chance to meet Kahlil Gibran, I would take that opportunity. I'm gonna have to do some hunting on this kinda book. My second dad, Joe once gave me "a book of evolution" which I haven't read. I meant to read it tonight but, since it's really late and I have a test tomorrow, I might have to pass, plus I couldn't find the bag where I put that book either. But it's no big deal right now.
World is not that complicated. We as human are the ones who make it so hard to live in. Life is like a passion of a woman, that's what the book says. The master in this book are on his way to Venice, leaving his immaginary lover behind, he looked up to the sky, feel sorry for her. But then he saw her, up above him. She was smilling and told him to go down to the deck and get some sleep, dream about her. So, he did. deep down in his sleep, he dreamt about her, sitting together at the table accompanied by one candle in the center of the round table. When he got to Venice, something weird and unpleasant happened to him. He's gonna spend his night at the Governor's house. They didn't welcome him very well, he was pissed. Everything seemed so sad, turned out the little princess in the house has passed away just before the master showed up. When the master looked at the pale lifeless body who was lying on his bed, he felt something sharp in his heart, like there's a long dagger stabbed through his chest. It was his imaginary lover lying soulless in front of him.

The rest is ... well, it's in the book.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Broken System Pisses Me Off!

I don't understand why I have to think about it! This thing pisses me off!
I'm telling you, the school system is broken! Stop trying to be Western if we can stay Eastern! I mean, please, moving class? We have one building which has 3 floors, and one building with 2 floors, everyday we move back and forth, back and forth! Does anybody care about our legs? Plus, no locker! What is that all about? Do you expect us to crack our shoulders by carrying all those freaking thick books? Those books are heavy, I'm telling you. If you want this moving class program works, start putting some lockers in the hallway, or maybe limit the building space of each grade so we don't have to go back and forth anymore! One more thing, teachers should stay in the classes where they belong to so it won't be so hard to find them. I'm sorry for saying all the bad things about the school system, but hey, guess what! That's the truth!
Another thing that kills me is why do you have to split us into science class and social class? The worst thing is, you're not fair about it. I'm sorry for being such a jerky hypocritical but you seem to love science class better than social.
Excuse me for being rude but social study is as important as science, and some people think social class in a wrong way. There's nothing wrong about being in a social class! You know what, for telling you the truth, social life look at the reality of life, teach us how to face this stupid life, this whole freaking thing about life that we always whine about.
Well, for people who read this, you may think that I'm in the social class, well, I'm not. It's not like I'm a backstabber or something, I'm just trying to make myself better. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in the wrong environment, like I don't trust myself in science and to tell you the truth, I struggle a lot at it, no matter how hard I tried. I hate it! It sucks!
I don't need physic, chemistry to get what I want. I feel like the school system has robbed my creativity and my passion and that's a REAL CRIME!
Why don't you just put the big sign of 'LOSER FARM' in front of the school and be done with it?
Sorry if I'm such a lousey critical, I was just having my bad day!
Dang it!!!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Menuju Puncak (Part 2)

Pas kita udah sampai kembali di lapangan, beberapa dari kita, terutama yang cewek, kecantol di TK. Pada mau prosotan…haha…masa kecil kurang bahagia, biasa. Di lapangan banyak makhluk – makhluk yang baru saja datang, beberapa anak Panum + sesosok berbaju hitam yang tadi pagi disuruh bersih – bersih sama maminya, hoho, dasar anak rajin! Yep, tak lain lagi, sosok itu adalah Jundi, si bos yang anak buahnya banyak. Aktivitas baru dilakukan, Yudha minjem motornya Jundi buat nyleneng kesana kemari, mondar – mandir gak jelas, kayak anak balita naek sepeda roda tiga.
“Hey, jund! Wis teko tho?” ujarku ke Jundi yang lagi duduk – duduk ma Upek kayak tukang parkir cadangan.
“Ho oh e, di tahan ibuku. Dikon resik – resik.“
“Cah rajin og Jundi ki,” kata Upek, dia selalu berbicara dengan nada datar dan innocent. Hmmm...
Eca dah nyampek dari tadi, ternyata gak di motor gak di lapangan, dia ma Andika cocok juga jadi pasangan. Hahagz. Aku menghampiri mobilku, mau naruh tas, gak enak e nek di cantol di bahu terus. Eh, tau – tau ada suara berat memanggil, memohon (nek yang ini lebai sih)
“Nyoba qul,“ Jundi berseru, masih duduk di pinggiran dengan muka berharap.
“Yo ayo“
Matanya Jundi melotot, kayak mau keluar, “Tenan?”
”Iyo rapopo,” tak jawab lagi. Hoho.
Jundi langsung berlari, kuncinya tak kasihin, pas itu aku baru buka pintu sebelah kiri.
”Nih, jun,” ujarku sambil ngasihin kunci. ”Lewat sebelah sana! Belum tak buka tadi.”
Jundi nerima kuncinya,”Oh, ya!”
Aku masuk mobil, duduk di sebelah kiri. ”Wis jun, ayo.”
Tiba – tiba ada dua suara asing yang mendekat, pemilik suaranya juga berdatangan, ”Aku melu, aku melu!”
Ternyata mereka adalah Nuha dan Reza yang rebutan masuk mobil, seingetku si Yudha yo ikut tapi aku lupa. Hoho. Maklum, manusia tidak sempurna.
“Aku bar kowe yo, jun!” kata Nuha.
“Iyo – iyo“ jawab Jundi sambil pegang setir. ”Njuk ngopo iki?”
“Di starter, Jun,” jawabku, rodo deg –deg an e kuwi.
Jundi udah tau og arah maennya kemana (bahasanya memang sedikit lebai). Langsung masuk gigi R yang berarti mundur. Koplingnya dilepas njuk langsung mati mesinnya. Walah – walah.
“Mbeh, kok mati?”
“Nyopot koplinge alon – alon,” kataku sambil ngeliat kebawah. ”Sambil dikit – dikit di gas.”
“Kok ketoke angel yo?” kata Nuha yang dibelakang ribut ndiri ma Reza gatau ngomongin apa.
Proses penjalanan mobil diulangi lagi, kali ini berhasil, mobilnya jalan mundur. Setirnya diarahin dengan pas oleh si kocak Jundi sampai akhirnya siap buat maju.
”Njuk piye iki?” tanya Jundi.
”Pindah gigi satu,” jawabku sambil nunjuk ke pegangan yang buat mindahin gigi mobil. ”Koplingnya pol, jun”
Jundi menjalankan perintahku, mukanya terlihat tenang tapi bingung. Mobil udah masuk gigi satu, pelan – pelan maju.
”Awas motore, Jun,” kataku lagi, udah lebih deg –deg an itu.
Mobil biru itu maju ke arah barisan motor yang kurang rapi, tapi kok gak berhenti – henti ya?
”Jun, belok,” perasaanku dah takut e. Hehe.
”Sekarang, qul?”
”Ho oh, sekarang.”
Jundi banting setir ke kiri, di depan kita ada tiang gawang, masih jauh sih, tapi kerasa deket nek dari mobil. ”Awas tiang, jun!”
Aku, Nuha, dan Reza pada teriak di dalem mobil. Jendelanya langsung tak buka biar rada adem. Tapi berisiknya malah kedengeran sampek luar.
”Menggoke kok ra kroso?” kata Jundi lagi, saking gak kerasanya beloknya ampek kebanyakan.
Si Reza nongol ke depan,” Itu tu setir yang power kuwi lo, mas”
”Kuwi ki sing power steering, ndul” balas Nuha. “Moso ra keroso tenan?”
”Jun, bales!” aku meraih setir sambil mbantuin ngarahin ke kanan, wah, lurusnya dah sampai pinggir lapangan. ”Pindah gigi dua, Jun!”
Jundi lagi mbelokin mobilnya ke kiri lagi biar gak nabrak, ”Sek, bentar biar lurus dulu.”
Pas mobil dah lurus, mobilnya jadi rodo pelan. ”Wis, piye iki pindahe?”
“Kopling penuh,” kataku.
Pedalnya udah di pol in ma Jundi, tapi trus pemindah giginya digerakin entah kemana, gerakan bingung itu.
“Kebelakang, Jun, kebelakang,” kataku lagi sambil nunjuk bagian belakang pemindahnya. Wah, yang di mobil panik semua waktu itu. Huaaaa…..
Si Kocak mindahin ke belakang tapi malah masuk ke gigi empat, mesinnya jadi berat, tau – tau di gas ma Jundi.
“Itu masuk empat, Jun!”
“Mbeh, iya o? Njuk kemana ini?”
Tanganku langsung meraih pegangan gigi, kok gak bisa gerak ya? Ternyata koplingnya belum keinjek. “Jun, koplingnya diinjek, Jun”
Suasana di mobil ribut banget! Si Nuha dan Reza dibelakang mbengok – mbengok gak jelas, kayaknya aku denger mereka bilang, “Piye iki?” Hohoho. Telingaku lumayan tajam.
Dengan cepat, Jundi menginjak kopling, giginya langsung tak pindah ke gigi dua. “Dah, sekarang koplingnya lepas pelan – pelan, Jun”
Mobil sudah berjalan normal setelah itu, “Mindah giginya ngikutin garisnya ini lo, Jun” ujarku sambil nunjukin garis dan angka yang ada di pemindah gigi.
“Garis yang mana tho?” tanya Nuha, mbungkukin badannya ke depan mau ngliat garis angkanya.
“Sing ngendi e mbak?” Reza nambahin.
“Yang ini lo,” jawabku sambil nunjukin.
Nuha ngangguk, ”Walah, sing kuwi tho.”
“Wah, koyo dolanan,” ujar Jundi.
“Dolanan opo, ndul? Bom – bom car?” kata Nuha yang baru lepas dari kepanikannya.
“Ini pindah tiga, qul?” tanya Jundi.
“Ho oh, rapopo og,” jawabku lagi. ”Berarti pindahnya ke depan, Jun.”
“Iso ra, Jun?” Nuha bilang. “Ojo salah meneh.”
Si Jundi mindah lagi, tapi mobilnya jadi berat lagi. Setelah kuperhatikan, ternyata letak kesalahannya ada pada giginya. ”Itu gigi lima, ndul!” seruku ke Jundi.
”Waduh!” Nuha mbengok sambil ketawa dengan nada rendahnya. ”Njuk piye kuwi?”
Masalah sudah teratasi, Jundi dengan cekatan memindah gigi ke tiga. Mobil berjalan dengan normal, walaupun mbelok – mbelok gak jelas. Nah, mbelak – mbeloknya itu yang menjadi alasan kita bertiga teriak. Semuanya mbengok – mbengok kecuali Jundi. Tapi kayaknya dalam hati dia juga deg –deg an.
Tiba – tiba ada makhluk kecil tidak bersalah melintas di depan kita, cari mati bener og tu makhluk. Pas Jundi lagi mbelok, makhluk itu bukannya menghindar tapi malah mendekat, wah, keingintahuan yang terlalu tinggi itu berbahaya ternyata.
”Jun, awas ayam!” seruku pas mobilnya hampir nabrak ayam.
”Enggak og, enggak og, masih manusiawi aku,” jawab Jundi, nadanya udah lumayan nyantai. Mobil sudah berputar – putar mengitari lapangan, Nuha dan Reza berisik banget di belakang, aku lupa pas itu kita mbicarain apa. Hoho. Tau – tau ada suara asing lagi yang datang dari luar mobil.
”Woi, aku yo gelem!” ternyata itu adalah suaranya Yudha yang berlari mendekati mobil.
”Wah, terlalu ambisius kuwi,” ujar Nuha.
Jundi melakukan satu putaran lagi, ”Udah, qul. Berhenti dimana ini?”
Aku nunjuk ke arah semula, dimana mobilnya di parkir, ”Disana aja, deket motor, tapi jangan nabrak.”
”Oh, yo,” ujar Jundi. Sepertinya si Kocak agak bingung gimana berhentinya, gatau bingung pa enggak ding.
”Nek berhenti koplingnya pol, njuk di rem.”
”Oalah, kudu di kopling barang tho?” tanya Nuha lagi yang sambil ketawa –ketawa, ribut berdua sama Reza.
Mobilnya dah mendekati barisan motor, tapi kok belum di rem? ”Ojo nabrak, Jun,” kata Nuha yang kepalanya nongol di tengah – tengah.
”Ati – ati mas Jundi,” ujar Reza, melengkapi apa yang dikatakan Nuha.
”Jun, di rem, Jun!” nadaku panik, mukanya Jundi ketok nyatai banget e. Udah deket kok masih belum di rem? ”Rem, Jun! Rem!” wah, aku rodo mbentak. Maap yo, Jun. Gak maksud mbentak og, lagi panik doang.
”Jun, Jun, di rem!”Nuha nambahin, dia panik neng rada gak niat kayaknya. Hahaha. Mencoba keep it cool sambil ketwa – ketawa. Biasa, Nuha.
Tiba – tiba mobil pun berhenti, kita semua kedorong ke depan, kayaknya nginjek remnya kecepeten tadi, jadinya mobilnya menciut ke depan.
Hua...Hua...Hua... Jantungku berdebar – debar. Gigi mobilnya langsung dinetralin ma Jundi, hand remnya juga ditarik. Wah, ngomongin soal hand rem jadi inget sarannya Upek yang belum sempet aku sebutkan di episode pertama.
Saran ini mengerikan, jangan dicontoh, sangat beresiko dan berbahaya. Sebelum berangkat ke tempat PTB, pas masih di sekolah si Upek bilang,
“Naek aja, qul. Pake hand rem. Mengko nek ra kuat di hand rem, dalan meneh, ra kuat di hand rem meneh. Mengko lak tekan nduwur.”
Terdengarnya saja mengerikan sehingga tidak saya lakukan, untung mobilnya kuat. Hehe. Wah, sarane Upek ra nguati kabeh!
”Wis, tho? Bener?” tanya Jundi sebelum keluar dari mobil.
”Sip sip, Jun” aku ngacungin jempol walaupun jantung masih ndredeg.
Jundi mbuka pintu, ”Makasih lo, qul.”
”Yo sama – sama,” jawabqu. Si Jundi terus keluar dari mobil, pas jalan ke pinggiran pada tepuk tangan, kayak habis nonton film action aja.
Setelah ini masih ada peserta aksi selanjutnya yang lebih ekstrim, tapi ternyata mereka dengan terpaksanya harus muncul di episode ketiga. Terlalu panjang jika dimasukkan ke episode kedua.

(saksikan Nuha dan Yudha di episode selanjutnya!simak terus kisahnya disini!)

Menuju Puncak (Part 1)

PTB hampir tiba, anak - anak sigma pada mau survey. Banyak hal - hal kocak yang terjadi. Pas briefing pagi - pagi itu aku agak takut nanjak naek mobil. Maklum, punya fobia kemiringan nih. Waktu itu yang nebeng mobilku:
- Fitha : sebagai navigator yang agak kesasar dah lupa arah. hahagz!
- Vina : tidak begitu terdengar suaranya (mmm...)
- Raras : Gak banyak bersuara (tapi kayaknya dia lip sing waktu aq muter 'suppermassive blackhole')
- Chipa : udah gedhe kok dipangku sih, chip... hehehe...
- Rifki : salah satu anggota team ngobrol. hho.
Jujur. Pas sebelum ke tempat PTB kayaknya takuuuuut banget, ntar nek mobilnya mlorot gimana??? ntar nek mogok pas najak gimana???
Setelah itu Upek menyarankan sesuatu yang agak kesuwen tapi lumayan gak efektif ," Ya sampek bawah aja. Ntar dijemput naek motor ke atas"
Padahal sudah jelas bahwa jarak dari bawah ke atas itu jauh banget, pake motor malah tambah ngeri!
Saran kesuwen dan lumayan gak efektif itu dilanjutkan saran aneh dari Nuha,
"Mobilnya ditinggal di bawah aja, qul. Kan wong ndeso ra bakal gelem, ra iso nyetir soale"
Ini adalah pikiran orang yang belum diluaskan. Kenapa?
"Iyo denk," aku menjawab. "Lha tapi nek mengko di dol piye jal?"
Nuha melepaskan tawanya yang bernada rendah itu, "Wo iyo dink"
Akhirnya, aku memberanikan diri juga. Perjalanan pun dimulai... Waktu mobil sudah ke tengah jalan, ada motor liar hampir nyerempet. Huh, dasar penyebrang yang buruk! Di depan mobilku ada dua sosok yang sedang boncengan seperti pasangan gay. Udah pelan, ngobrol dengan mesranya di jalan. Eca dan Andika, kalo di atas motor mereka terlihat serasi juga. Eca yang di depan seperti cowoknya, Andika seperti ceweknya karena dia bermuka kalem (walaupun aslinya gak kalem)Pasangan ini naik motor dengan sangaaat pelan, Eca barusan dapet sim soalna... wow.
Perjalanan itu juga menunjukkan realitas jalur cepat! Haha! Karena ternyata di jalur cepat, mobil melaju lebih cepat daripada motor.
"Oalah, pantesan ini jalur cepat. Kok pas naik motor gak kerasa ya?" kata Fitha.
Musik yang aku dengarkan mempengaruhi emosi. Karena saat itu aku lagi ndengerin SUM 41 sama Suppermassive Blackhole, hasrat ngebutku jadi tinggi, alhasil aku menyalip banyak kendaraan. Hoho. Anak - anak di mobilku berasumsi aneh tentang diriku,
"Wah, mbak nisqul berjiwa racer!" ujar Fitha.
Hari itu memang agak ngebut, saat itu ada seorang pengendara motor yang buanter, kakinya mbegagah kayak cowok. Habis tak salip, dia nyalip, disalip lagi, dia juga mbales nyalip.
"Ni motor! Udah di salip nyalip lagi. Sial!"
"Sabar mbak, sabar" ujar Fitha lagi.
Semua hal terjelaskan setelah kita berhenti di lampu merah. Andika, yang saat itu posisinya masih di depanku berbalik dan menyapa si pengendara yang balapan bersamaku tadi.
Tak dapat dipercaya. Si pengendara tadi adalah Eli, si Sekjend yang telat dateng dan akhirnya menyusul. hohoho. Betapa kagetnya aku dan yang lainnya!
"Hah? Itu mbak Eli? Kok cowok banget sih?" ujar salah Fitha.
"Waduh, tiwas wis misuh - misuh aku. Maap ya, El" ujarku.
Banyak kemesraan terlihat sepanjang perjalanan, contohnya:
-Abel dan Yudha. Kalo dari belakang, Abel keliatan kayak meluk Yudah tuh (gatau beneran pa enggak. hihi) ngobrol mengakrabkan diri gitu deh kayaknya.
-Arshi dan Diaz. Gatau juga mesra dari mana, tapi yang kecil mboncengin yang besar, pengangan ya, Diaz!
-Eca dan Andika. Seperti yang sudah dijelaskan. Haha.
Saat jalan mulai sepi, kecepatanku mencapai 80 km/jam, itu melampaui batas ngebutku. haha. Setelah itu sampailah kami pada tanjakan yang curam itu,
"Pake gigi dua aja, mbak. Bisa kok" Fitha berkata.
Kulihat kebawah, memang sudah gigi dua, pedal gas kuinjak hingga pol!
Yap, akhirnya naik juga sampai ke puncak walaupun banyak pemandangan yang menyusahkan. Motornya Wrest udah ngos - ngosan ampek asapnya banyak banget, motornya Nuha mulai melamban dan merosot ke bawah (hampir sih) Upek yang berpose seperti polisi lalu lintas segera turun tangan membantu Wrest yang motornya ternyata gak kuat.
Kesuksesan kedua juga kuraih setelah mobilnya bisa masuk sampai ke lapangan tanpa tergores (hoho. mbuh denk, durung tak tilik e)
Hujan pun turun ketika kita (kecuali Upek dan Arshi yang sukarela menjadi tukang parkir untuk menjaga kendaraan - kendaraan di lapangan, mereka terlihat seperti kakak beradik yang sedang menyerahkan warisan tanah parkiran, kalo enggak ya kakak yang sedang mengajari adiknya menjadi tukang parkir) menelusuri tempat PTB mencari perpustakaan di SD, kami bertemu seorang ibu dan suaminya yang sedang ngeceng di depan rumahnya.
"Ngiyup dulu, mas, mbak" ujar ibu tersebut.
"Nggih, bu." ujar seseorang dibelakangku.
"Kelas pinten e? Kok wis gedhe - gedhe?" si Ibu bertanya lagi.
Hahaha. Kita cuman ketawa, bingung njawabnya gimana.
"Emange awak dhewe gedhe banget po?" ujar salah seorang dari kita.
Saat berteduh di SD kita semua terlihat seperti korban bencana banjir yang barusan keleleb. Kalo enggak, ya kayak korban Situ Gintung yang habis kelimbas ombak gedhe. Udah basah, lusuh, beratakan, kotor pula (gak kotor banget sih). Sambil duduk di depan kelas - kelas, kita rembukan gimana rencana PTB kita. Reza punya usul yang menarik tapi kurang adil bagi illustrator tercinta kita, Satrio.
"Kita kasih gambar para pahlawan aja. Mas Satrio suruh nglembur. Dua minggu jadi wes!" kata Reza dengan tampang innocent.
"Hohoho" Nuha ngelepasin ketawanya yang bernada rendah itu. "Mesake, ndul."
Setelah hujan reda, perjalanan dilanjutkan, hahaha, dibeliin dawet ma Nuha. Di jalan kita juga bertemu beberapa anak Panum. Foto bersama wajib dilakukan. haha.
Seusai perjalanan kita kembali ke lapangan. Di lapangan, hal serupun terjadi ...

(mau tau cerita selanjutnya??? ikuti terus kisahnya!!!)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Ending was Only Just the Beginning (Part 1)

I wanna have a reckless life, but that kind of life is a fantasy. It’s not gonna happen. Especially for a guy like me. I mean, what choice do I have as a man? Everyone’s too busy with their own business. They have money, love, friends, and family; they got them all. What about me? Even I felt so lucky when there’s someone who’s willing to talk to me. Well, he asked me to hold the door but at least he talked to me. I didn’t used to have this kind of life before, until I found one thing which hurt me the most. The freaking’ idiot thing called LOVE. It made me wanna throw up every time I hear that word, L – O – V – E
I thought it was beautiful, even it looked beautiful in every single movie that I’ve seen. But it took me a while to realize that the lovely – dovey thing that they talked about…is a fantasy. It’s not like I’ve never been in love or anything, it’s just…well, it’s irritating me every time girls say “We need to talk” until finally they say “It’s over” Why is it that every relationship has to end that way? Why can’t it end like a movie? I started to thing that this world is so full of lies. Everything they told me is a lie! There’s never gonna be a happy ending! It’s all crap!
Chicks are complicated! They’re like the most hateful creatures on earth! I gave all my attention to them, I talked to them, I listened to them, and I shared ideas with them. What was that about? I didn’t know what it takes with women, I mean, you put in all this time and effort, and they wanna be just friend. What more do you want, women?
There I was, sitting at the library, thinking about what happened. How come she hates me? What did I do wrong? Should I move on to another? Oh, what the hell! I’m sick of it! Sick of another fight! Sick of having to deal with chicks all the time.
For the next couple of months, I’ve realized that I wasn’t myself anymore. I had no passion to any chick at all. What happened to me? Have I changed? I read romance book, I watched drama movie, even I had a thought to watch gay porno once…which I did in the next week after this month. The smell of chick’s sweat didn’t even make me horny.
It all started from one of those days with my last girlfriend, Gen, well, she’s my ex now but this break up think had opened my eyes to something which is completely wrong.
“Let’s be honest with ourselves,” Gen said as she gave me the look that I hate the most. It’s like the worst thing ever when girls looked at me like that. “I think we always knew that this thing will not work out,” she said again.
I had these feeling that she’s gonna break up with me. I didn’t say anything. I fisted both of my hands and rested my head on it.
“Honey, I care about you. Very much. And, I don’t wanna hurt you like this.”
I said nothing, just sitting still and do nothing. I tried to hold my tear so it won’t fall upon my cheek and make me look like a pussy in front of her. I didn’t understand why these things keep happening to me. What did I do wrong? Am I that bad of a boyfriend?
“Todd, you have to say something,” Gen said, noticing that I hadn’t said any thing. “We haven’t stopped talking since the day we met.”
I guess that day was a special day, and I know the next day, and the next day, and the next day would be the same special day as today. My head was resting on my hand; mind’s hopping that I could beg her to not dump me like a pathetic deer on the side of the street after it just got hit by a gigantic truck. I knew I would look that much pathetic. I stared at Gen’s face, trying to remember what’s in it that made me fall for her. It was her sparkling eyes. I remembered my first eye contact with her, it probably sounds too dramatic, but when she looked at me with those sparkle eyes, it was like the first time I heard the Beatles.
“Listen, I hear what you’re saying. But you gotta hear me,” she said again, I bet she’s getting sick of me for not saying anything. “I need some space, Todd, and I can’t have it if I’m with you.”
Why in the world did she think that I wouldn’t give her that space? She had never told me about that freaking’ space she needed. I didn’t even understand why she needed some space.
“Fine,” I finally said after I’ve been sitting dumbfounded in front of her like a total looser. “I wanna do that. I wanna give you all the spaces you need. I just … I don’t want you to break up with me.” I could feel my glassy eyes when I said those words.
Gen looked out the window, I followed her sight to a muscular baldy pale guy in his football shirt, laying his gigantic butt on the hood of a shinny red Ferrari outside the bistro.
“I have to go now,” Gen said firmly as she grabbed her purse and ready to leave. I couldn’t believe she would give up on me for that corpse looking guy!
“Please!” I half-shouted at her, stopping her for ditching me for eternity. “Would you just … would you just not leave me here? Would you just stay and talk
to me a little bit?” There! I said it. I begged her to stay like a homeless wreck. She robbed my dignity; I lost my honor as a man!
Gen shook her head, turning her head at that Ferrari corpse outside. Please, I look ten times better that him, exclude the muscular part. He’s bald for God’s sake! I had the coolest hair; I sacrificed my hair to stay like this just for her. She told me she wanted Goku’s hairstyle on me and now she walked out on me for that baldy!
“I can’t,” she said, turning around as she said her last word to me. “Goodbye, Todd.”
“No, Gen! Stay!” I jumped suddenly and grabbed her hand.
“TODD! You’re a pathetic faggot and I’ll never talk with you! EVER!” she yelled at me furiously and she escaped her hand from mine. The worst thing happened, her hand swing and hit me right on my left cheek. Did she just slap me? Yeah, she did … unfortunately.
It was like the biggest huge dumping ever! Probably worse than what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. Well, whatever! I vanished all my memories about girls. I had enough! For all these years, I thought I was happy and lucky to find some girls that I love. But they ended up pathetically bitchy!
There I was, lying on my bed with a stereo blasting, tuning Sean Kingston’s Beautiful Girls.
“You got my back, Sean. Please relieve me in every single way, bro.” I know it was so pathetic for a guy to cry, but I was way desperate, I had no choice! I turned up the volume so I can hear nothing but the music. My eyes were so heavy that I barely stay awake.
“Todd! Turn it down! I’m on the phone!” Mom said, banging on my door.
It was infuriatingly distracting me from leaving this world of consciousness, she’s totally pissing me off!
“Todd! I said turn it DOWN!” she screamed. “It’s too loud!”
“Then you’re too old, mom!!!” I screamed back, furiously I jumped off my bed and turned the stereo down. I opened the door; she was there, holding the phone on her ear. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic,” she said sarcastically.
I slammed the door, desperately walked to my bed; dropped myself. I rubbed my face with my sweaty hands, thinking that I really couldn’t stay at home with this kind of feeling. It was perfectly quiet; I got all the silence I needed.
I grabbed my cell phone and started to explore the contact list, hoping that someone would be with me, carry me away from this loneliness. I found Gen on the list; rapidly deleted it. Remembering her number would make me miss her more.
“I should probably call one of my homies and tell them what happened,” I thought. I scooted down the cursor then I found Jake; I quickly called him.
“Hello?” I heard Jake’s voice.
“Jake, it’s Todd, man,” I replied. “Listen, umm…you got any time?”
“Me? Yeah, I’m free tonight, you wanna do something?”
I sighed in relief, knowing that I won’t be alone, well at least for tonight. “I could really use a friend right now, bro.”
“What’s up, man?”
“Gen just dumped me, man.”
“She did? Oh, I’m so sorry man. I f there’s anything that I can do for you just let me know,” Jake said.
What is this? I felt something stupid was happening underneath my chest, my heart was beating a lot faster. Was that because of Jake?
“Let’s hang out tonight! I got this new video that I wanna show you, come by tonight!”
“Su... sure... I... I …I’ll be there, bro,” I stuttered, my heart was beating again. What the hell?
“See you later, then,” Jake replied and hung up.
I hanged out with Jake that night, found out that he’s the best person I’ve ever had. My folks never care about me, all they do is yelling and I sick of it! Seemed to me that Jake’s the only one who understood me no matter what. People don’t talk about it that much, but guy – to – guy relationship is pretty special, you know. That can be the most beautiful thing in the world. Well, it sounded a little gay, matter of fact, it was completely gay. But that was actually what I felt about Jake. I knew exactly what’s gonna happen if I get married to a girl. We’ll fight all day long, arguing every single thing; we won’t have the same way of thinking. What can I say? I guess I have to find someone with the same passion, feeling, or perhaps …….. Physic.

(To be continued)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Penantian Sampai Akhir

Aku selalu bertanya – tanya pada diriku sendiri? Bisakah aku menjadi seperti Dewi Amba? Betapa mulia hatinya untuk merelakan nyawanya sendiri demi orang yang sangat dicintainya, Bisma Dewabrata. Amba mati atas bidikan panah sakti yang menembus dadanya oleh Bisma. Lelaki memang kadang – kadang bodoh, mereka memang mahluk yang paling gegabah. Sebegitu hinakah Dewi Amba sehingga Bisma menghindarinya?
Kesalahan utama bukan pada Dewi Amba. Ini semua karena sumpah sang Resi untuk tidak menikah dengan siapapun. Sumpah yang ia kumandangkan seraya petir menyambar. Amba tak dapat menahan hasratnya, sampai pada akhirnya Bisma harus membunuhnya.
Apa yang membuatku ingin seperti Amba? Jawabannya adalah karena kesabaran Amba menunggu sang Resi sampai akhir hayatnya. Supala sang Putri akan sukmanya yang akan bangkit kembali. Menjelma dalam tubuh Srikandhi, ia akan menjemput cinta matinya untuk hidup bersamanya di khayangan.
Oh, Amba, sebegitu cintakah engkau pada Bisma? Takdir atau kesadarankah yang menghasut Bisma untuk menunggumu di tengah Kurusetra saat Perang Bharatayuda berkobar?
Bismapun bertanya pada Sri Kresna, ”Kenapa Srikandhi itu adalah lelaki. Kenapa ia tak berwujud wanita seperti Amba? Kenapa sukma seorang putri yang cantik jelita harus bersembunyi di balik tubuh kekar Srikandhi?”
Sang Titisan Wisnu hanya menggeleng, ”Aku bukan Amba. Aku tak tau apa yang ada dalam pikirannya. Namun, menurutku, Amba mengerti dimana harga diri sang Resi tersakti ini bila ia tertakhlukkan oleh seorang wanita.”
Dapatkah engkau mencintai seseorang seperti Amba mencintai Bisma? Menunggu itu lelah...sangatlah lelah. Lalu mengapa Amba rela menunggu Bisma yang telah menyakiti hatinya bahkan sampai mengakhiri hidupnya? Tak dapat dibayangkan sebesar apa cinta Amba kepada Bisma. Mungkinkah seorang wanita di dunia ini dapat mencintai lelaki tanpa pamrih seperti apa yang Amba lakukan?
Sang Resi terbaring lemah pada panah – panah yang menopang tubuhnya yang tak menyentuh tanah. Saat seluruh panca indranya dipusatkan ke satu tujuan menghadap Hyang Kuasa, datanglah Amba.
”Belum puaskah anda melihat penderitaanku begini sebagai hasil supatamu dahulu, Amba?” ujar sang Resi.
Dewi Amba, dengan bibir tersenyum, matanya menatap dengan sayu. ”Bahkan aku merasa menyesal. Maafkanlah aku, kanda.”
Dimana letak hati sang Resi ini? Tidakkah dia sadar bahwa Amba sangat mencintainya? Mungkin ia sadar, namun ia juga masih ingat akan supatanya dahulu.
Amba hanya berkata, ”Itu sumpahmu di alam kasar. Di Alam nirwana sumpahmu sudah tak berlaku lagi.”
”Walaupun begitu aku tidak akan mungkin bersatu denganmu, karena di alam khayangan aku telah mempunyai pasangan. Akulah titisan Wasu Dhayu.”
”Aku tidak peduli akan titisan itu, kau harus menebus kesalahanmu, kanda.”
”Kesalahan apalagi yang pernah kulakukan terhadapmu, Amba?”
Amba hanya tersenyum, seakan – akan ia telah terbiasa dengan ketidak pekaan seorang lelaki. ”Bukankah kanda telah menewaskan Prabu Salwa, pujaanku dalam sayembara dahulu.”
Bisma hanya menatapnya, tak mengira bahwa Amba masih mengingat semua kejadian itu.
”Oleh karena itu, kandalah yang harus menggantikan sebagai pasanganku. Mau tidak mau kanda harus bersatu denganku di alam mana pun kita berada.”
Setelah membaca cerita ini, mungkin akan terjadi perdebatan antara wanita dan pria. Mana yang lebih mencintai dan mana yang lebih dicintai. Siapa yang memberi dan siapa yang diberi? Harus diakui bahwa tidak semua wanita dapat mencapai puncak kesabaran setinggi Dewi Amba. Apakah semua lelaki akan bersikap seperti Bisma untuk menghadapi seseorang yang sangat menyayanginya? Mungkin tidak semua lelaki.
Semua bergantung pada kita. Cerita ini bukanlah sebuah pedoman untuk membangun suatu hubungan, cerita ini hanyalah sebuah contoh bagaimana kesabaran berlapis cinta dapat meluluhkan hati seorang ksatria.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Dirimu di Mataku

“Well, for what I’ve learned, he is actually the guy that I don’t wanna fall in love with”
Aku memang enggak jatuh cinta padanya. Entah kenapa aku sering menyebutnya ‘suami idaman’ Kurang apa sih dia? Tampang lumayan (walaupun kadang enggak terlalu penting), ibadahnya juga bagus, kealiman juga cukup. Hal terbaik dari dia yang bikin aku kagum itu kharismanya.
Presentasi KIR kemaren gak kerasa kayak laporan power-point atau materi apalah yang gak terlalu penting buatku, yang bikin aku betah berada disana dan menyaksikan secara langsung presentasi itu adalah dia, yah… Siapa lagi emangnya?
Kenapa aku bisa bener – bener kagum? Aku juga enggak tau. Kalo dibandingin sama anak – anak lain, mungkin aku enggak mengenal dia sebaik mereka. Tapi satu hal yang aku yakin, enggak ada seorangpun yang segan menghabiskan waktunya hanya untuk merhatiin dia. Awalnya cuman ngefans, tapi lama – lama jadi terlalu ngefans. Sampai – sampai aku dengan kurang kerjaannya bikin cerpen tentang dia.
Gimana aku bisa mendeskripsikan kamu? Mungkin kamu itu satu dari puluhan cowok di sekolah yang bisa bikin aku nyaman. Kamu mungkin enggak seganteng Arjuna yang punya banyak istri, walaupun sialnya kamu emang udah punya cewek, jadiannya udah setahun lebih pula. Well, meskipun enggak seganteng Arjuna, kamu punya kharisma kayak Kresna, tiap kali orang liat, rasanya tentrammm… banget. Atau mungkin kamu enggak sekuat Bima si Gajah Pandawa, tapi kamu itu jujur kayak Yudhistira. Perumpamaanmu emang agak aneh sih, tapi cuman itu caraku buat mendeskripsikan kamu.
Pulang sekolah kamu pasti ke basecamp majalah kita tercinta, ninggalin kaos kaki busukmu itu. Aku heran deh, berapa pasang kaos kaki yang kamu punya? Perasaan kalo ada kaos kaki bolong, kotor, dan berbau aneh di planed, itu pasti punya kamu. Emang kamu ke sekolah bawa kaos kaki berapa sih, ha? Perasaan tiap hari pasti ada yang ketinggalan. Huh! Anehnya aku juga sih, ngefans sama cowok jorok. Tapi jarang ada cowok yang pede dengan kejorokannya. Aku gak bisa nganggap itu kekurangan. Bagi aku (yang kadang juga jorok) itu sih kelebihan.
Kamu itu pelupa tapi pinter, kalem tapi berkonsep. Huh, susah deh menggambarkannya. Banyak orang bertanya – tanya kenapa kamu bisa masuk olimp? Kamu kan pelupa. Nasib emang gak bias ditebak, Ha. Kamu emang pelupa, tapi siapa tau IQ super tinggimu kali yang bikin kamu pinter and genius. Kemungkinan lainnya, kamu masuk olimp itu biar bisa ketemu seseorang yang spesial, hehe… Aku bahkan pernah berniat bikin cerpen tentang kamu yang ketemu cewek lewat olimp. Akhirnya enggak jadi sih, tapi kalaupun jadi bakal aku kasih judul “Rivalku, Kekasihku”
Kalau soal kalem tapi berkonsep, itu emang bener kok, Ha. Kamu kan anaknya kalem, marah juga jarang. Tapi kamu bisa mimpin produksi majalah kita, kayak Prabu Drupada pas lagi mimpin Negara Pancala.
Aku masih inget kapan kamu bener – bener bisa bikin orang tentram. Dan orang itu adalah aku, pas aku punya masalah sama cowok. Mungkin bagi kamu, hal yang kamu lakukan itu bukan apa –apa. Tapi bagi aku, itu membantu dan berarti banget. Saat itu, aku dengan pedenya curhat ke kamu. Ngerengek – rengek di depanmu, aku baru sadar kalo mukaku waktu itu kayak orang gila.
“Nuha, tolongin dong …” aku merengek di depanmu sambil nangis – nangis gak jelas. “Aku harus gimana, Ha?”
Dengan santai kamu njawab,“Semua itu cuman butuh waktu kok.”
“Ahh, kok gitu sih njawabnya?” Aku masih inget kok betapa paniknya mukaku pas ngerengek sambil mukul – mukulin kamu pula.
“Ya, mbok ngomong tho.”
“Masa aku terus yang mulai?”
Kayaknya pas itu kamu udah mulai nyerah, tapi kamu sempet bikin aku tambah panic dengan bilang, “Lha kamu kebanyakan nuntut og.”
Statementmu yang itu bener – bener bikin aku terpukul tau, tapi terus aku sadar, apa yang kamu omongin itu emang ada benernya. Ya ampun, mungkin kalo kamu enggak bilang gitu, aku enggak akan sadar.
Aku jadi merasa bersalah sama kamu, kok aku jadi ngelampiasin amarahku ke kamu? Itu kan bukan salahmu. Yah, mungkin emang udah sikapku, aku selalu ambisius biar enggak disalahin.
“Masa kayak gitu aja nuntut?”
Kamu terlihat bener – bener nyerah waktu itu, “Yowis, itu gak nuntut. Tapi setidaknya berkorban to?“
“Lagi, ha?“
“Ya, kalo kamu mau cepet selesai, sekali – kali ngomong duluan gak ada salahnya kok.“
Hmm, bener juga katamu, ha! Kalo boleh jujur, moment pas kamu bilang kayak gitu adalah moment dimana kamu bener – bener bikin aku kagum banget ma kamu.
“Udah, gak usah nangis to! Masa preman nangis,” kamu ngomong lagi, huh, andai kamu ngapus air mataku waktu itu, walaupun impossible banget sih. “Semua itu cuman perlu diomongin kok.”
“Ya ampun, ha,” aku bilang sambil ngapus air mataku yang udah kayak air terjun itu. “Aku gak maksud marah ma kamu kok.”
“Iya – iya.”
Aku yakin kamu bakal maapin aku, walaupun aslinya enggak jelas aku salah ato enggak.
“Tapi makasih lo, ha,” ujarku. “Tadi membantu banget.”
Aku tambah deg – degan pas kamu ngangguk sambil bilang, “Gak papa. Aku ngerti kok.”
“Hah? Apa, ha?” rasanya kayak ada Gong dipukul di sebelah telingaku pas kamu bilang ke aku kalo kamu ngerti. Huaaa... rasanya pengen teriak tau.
“Aku ngerti.”
Perasaanku yang campur aduk langsung ilang setelah kamu bilang itu. Ya, Allah! Terima kasih, Alhamdulillah banget! Ternyata ada seseorang yang ngerti perasaanku waktu itu, dan lebih baiknya lagi, orang itu adalah orang yang aku kagumin. Haha. Just My Luck bener nih!
Sumpah! Kurang apa sih anak ini? Dia emang aneh. Kalo curhat sama orang enggak pake perantara, to the point banget sih kamu ini! Tapi sebaliknya, kamu kalo dicurhatin juga ndengerin, mau ngertiin, dan nyantai, walaupun kadang solusinya agak melenceng. Aku seneng kok bisa curhat sama kamu, tapi kayaknya kamu udah trauma dicurhatin sama aku. Waduh, maap, ha. Aku berharapnya kamu bisa tetep ngerti.
Sejauh ini aku banyak ngeliat sesuatu dari kamu yang aslinya memang aneh. Hmmm, kamu itu kalo sms gak jelas banget. Pas ultahku itu, kamu sms nyuruh aku biar ulang taun tiap hari. Kalo gitu caranya, seminggu aja aku dah jadi nenek tuek, ha! Eh, tau – tau kamu mbalesnya lebih enggak nyambung lagi. Kamu nanya umurku udah berkurang berapa. Ya mana aku tau lah! Ending – endingnya smsmu diakhiri pake, “btw q pgn pny pers card! Kn keren! Xp Yg ptg kerenx!” Apa maksudnya coba??? Trus pas kita mau mbikin proyek angkringan kita yang gak jadi – jadi itu, aku inget saat itulah aku bisa bikin kamu ketawa. Walaupun aslinya kamu itu panik.Tapi aku seneng bisa liat kamu ketawa, apalagi pas mesin mobilku mati di tanjakan. Satu hal lagi yang aku tau tentang kamu pas kita nggarap proyek itu, kamu belum pernah pake motor matic. Ya ampun... hari gini belum pernah, ha?
Jasamu ke aku banyak juga lo, ha. Aku inget hari dimana kamu sms “moso nzqul bs canggung?” huh, kata – katamu itu bikin aku jadi punya courage to move on setelah patah hati. Apalagi pas kamu sms “ pnah dnger g ql renang pz musim ujan bhy? Ntar kena petir mak dhwer mati semua” huak...huak...huak... aku bener – bener ketawa ngakak! Jadi lumayan sembuh ni, ha. Di hari itu juga aku dapet foto pertamaku sama kamu. Hehe. Mukamu di foto kayak orang kebelet, tapi aku seneng, kan tetep dapet fotomu.
Untuk lebih jelasnya, hmmm, aku gatau bakal gimana. Tapi aku tau kalo dia itu orang baik, baikkkk banget! Walaupun aku gak jatuh cinta ma dia, aku tetep seneng bisa jadi temen baiknya. Mungkin imageku di matamu enggak sebaik imagemu di mataku. Aku merasa beruntung aja bisa kenal ma kamu, bisa dapet kesempatan curhat ma kamu. You’re the best, ha!