Ending was Only Just the Beginning (Part 1)

I wanna have a reckless life, but that kind of life is a fantasy. It’s not gonna happen. Especially for a guy like me. I mean, what choice do I have as a man? Everyone’s too busy with their own business. They have money, love, friends, and family; they got them all. What about me? Even I felt so lucky when there’s someone who’s willing to talk to me. Well, he asked me to hold the door but at least he talked to me. I didn’t used to have this kind of life before, until I found one thing which hurt me the most. The freaking’ idiot thing called LOVE. It made me wanna throw up every time I hear that word, L – O – V – E
I thought it was beautiful, even it looked beautiful in every single movie that I’ve seen. But it took me a while to realize that the lovely – dovey thing that they talked about…is a fantasy. It’s not like I’ve never been in love or anything, it’s just…well, it’s irritating me every time girls say “We need to talk” until finally they say “It’s over” Why is it that every relationship has to end that way? Why can’t it end like a movie? I started to thing that this world is so full of lies. Everything they told me is a lie! There’s never gonna be a happy ending! It’s all crap!
Chicks are complicated! They’re like the most hateful creatures on earth! I gave all my attention to them, I talked to them, I listened to them, and I shared ideas with them. What was that about? I didn’t know what it takes with women, I mean, you put in all this time and effort, and they wanna be just friend. What more do you want, women?
There I was, sitting at the library, thinking about what happened. How come she hates me? What did I do wrong? Should I move on to another? Oh, what the hell! I’m sick of it! Sick of another fight! Sick of having to deal with chicks all the time.
For the next couple of months, I’ve realized that I wasn’t myself anymore. I had no passion to any chick at all. What happened to me? Have I changed? I read romance book, I watched drama movie, even I had a thought to watch gay porno once…which I did in the next week after this month. The smell of chick’s sweat didn’t even make me horny.
It all started from one of those days with my last girlfriend, Gen, well, she’s my ex now but this break up think had opened my eyes to something which is completely wrong.
“Let’s be honest with ourselves,” Gen said as she gave me the look that I hate the most. It’s like the worst thing ever when girls looked at me like that. “I think we always knew that this thing will not work out,” she said again.
I had these feeling that she’s gonna break up with me. I didn’t say anything. I fisted both of my hands and rested my head on it.
“Honey, I care about you. Very much. And, I don’t wanna hurt you like this.”
I said nothing, just sitting still and do nothing. I tried to hold my tear so it won’t fall upon my cheek and make me look like a pussy in front of her. I didn’t understand why these things keep happening to me. What did I do wrong? Am I that bad of a boyfriend?
“Todd, you have to say something,” Gen said, noticing that I hadn’t said any thing. “We haven’t stopped talking since the day we met.”
I guess that day was a special day, and I know the next day, and the next day, and the next day would be the same special day as today. My head was resting on my hand; mind’s hopping that I could beg her to not dump me like a pathetic deer on the side of the street after it just got hit by a gigantic truck. I knew I would look that much pathetic. I stared at Gen’s face, trying to remember what’s in it that made me fall for her. It was her sparkling eyes. I remembered my first eye contact with her, it probably sounds too dramatic, but when she looked at me with those sparkle eyes, it was like the first time I heard the Beatles.
“Listen, I hear what you’re saying. But you gotta hear me,” she said again, I bet she’s getting sick of me for not saying anything. “I need some space, Todd, and I can’t have it if I’m with you.”
Why in the world did she think that I wouldn’t give her that space? She had never told me about that freaking’ space she needed. I didn’t even understand why she needed some space.
“Fine,” I finally said after I’ve been sitting dumbfounded in front of her like a total looser. “I wanna do that. I wanna give you all the spaces you need. I just … I don’t want you to break up with me.” I could feel my glassy eyes when I said those words.
Gen looked out the window, I followed her sight to a muscular baldy pale guy in his football shirt, laying his gigantic butt on the hood of a shinny red Ferrari outside the bistro.
“I have to go now,” Gen said firmly as she grabbed her purse and ready to leave. I couldn’t believe she would give up on me for that corpse looking guy!
“Please!” I half-shouted at her, stopping her for ditching me for eternity. “Would you just … would you just not leave me here? Would you just stay and talk
to me a little bit?” There! I said it. I begged her to stay like a homeless wreck. She robbed my dignity; I lost my honor as a man!
Gen shook her head, turning her head at that Ferrari corpse outside. Please, I look ten times better that him, exclude the muscular part. He’s bald for God’s sake! I had the coolest hair; I sacrificed my hair to stay like this just for her. She told me she wanted Goku’s hairstyle on me and now she walked out on me for that baldy!
“I can’t,” she said, turning around as she said her last word to me. “Goodbye, Todd.”
“No, Gen! Stay!” I jumped suddenly and grabbed her hand.
“TODD! You’re a pathetic faggot and I’ll never talk with you! EVER!” she yelled at me furiously and she escaped her hand from mine. The worst thing happened, her hand swing and hit me right on my left cheek. Did she just slap me? Yeah, she did … unfortunately.
It was like the biggest huge dumping ever! Probably worse than what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. Well, whatever! I vanished all my memories about girls. I had enough! For all these years, I thought I was happy and lucky to find some girls that I love. But they ended up pathetically bitchy!
There I was, lying on my bed with a stereo blasting, tuning Sean Kingston’s Beautiful Girls.
“You got my back, Sean. Please relieve me in every single way, bro.” I know it was so pathetic for a guy to cry, but I was way desperate, I had no choice! I turned up the volume so I can hear nothing but the music. My eyes were so heavy that I barely stay awake.
“Todd! Turn it down! I’m on the phone!” Mom said, banging on my door.
It was infuriatingly distracting me from leaving this world of consciousness, she’s totally pissing me off!
“Todd! I said turn it DOWN!” she screamed. “It’s too loud!”
“Then you’re too old, mom!!!” I screamed back, furiously I jumped off my bed and turned the stereo down. I opened the door; she was there, holding the phone on her ear. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic,” she said sarcastically.
I slammed the door, desperately walked to my bed; dropped myself. I rubbed my face with my sweaty hands, thinking that I really couldn’t stay at home with this kind of feeling. It was perfectly quiet; I got all the silence I needed.
I grabbed my cell phone and started to explore the contact list, hoping that someone would be with me, carry me away from this loneliness. I found Gen on the list; rapidly deleted it. Remembering her number would make me miss her more.
“I should probably call one of my homies and tell them what happened,” I thought. I scooted down the cursor then I found Jake; I quickly called him.
“Hello?” I heard Jake’s voice.
“Jake, it’s Todd, man,” I replied. “Listen, umm…you got any time?”
“Me? Yeah, I’m free tonight, you wanna do something?”
I sighed in relief, knowing that I won’t be alone, well at least for tonight. “I could really use a friend right now, bro.”
“What’s up, man?”
“Gen just dumped me, man.”
“She did? Oh, I’m so sorry man. I f there’s anything that I can do for you just let me know,” Jake said.
What is this? I felt something stupid was happening underneath my chest, my heart was beating a lot faster. Was that because of Jake?
“Let’s hang out tonight! I got this new video that I wanna show you, come by tonight!”
“Su... sure... I... I …I’ll be there, bro,” I stuttered, my heart was beating again. What the hell?
“See you later, then,” Jake replied and hung up.
I hanged out with Jake that night, found out that he’s the best person I’ve ever had. My folks never care about me, all they do is yelling and I sick of it! Seemed to me that Jake’s the only one who understood me no matter what. People don’t talk about it that much, but guy – to – guy relationship is pretty special, you know. That can be the most beautiful thing in the world. Well, it sounded a little gay, matter of fact, it was completely gay. But that was actually what I felt about Jake. I knew exactly what’s gonna happen if I get married to a girl. We’ll fight all day long, arguing every single thing; we won’t have the same way of thinking. What can I say? I guess I have to find someone with the same passion, feeling, or perhaps …….. Physic.

(To be continued)